


4 times Mark was hurt and 1 time he did something because of it

by gukkiegukkie



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt, Heavy Angst, Jealousy, M/M, Mark Lee (NCT)-centric, Mentioned Jung Sungchan, Mentioned Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung, Mentioned Lee Taeyong, Mentioned Na Jaemin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-25
Updated: 2021-01-25
Packaged: 2021-03-18 02:34:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,857
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28984947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gukkiegukkie/pseuds/gukkiegukkie
Summary: Haechan just wanted Mark to love him but maybe he was too late.(or 4 times Mark was hurt by Haechan, and mostly his own stubbornness, and 1 time he did something because of it)
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee
Comments: 8
Kudos: 67





	4 times Mark was hurt and 1 time he did something because of it

**Author's Note:**

> hii!! 
> 
> this is my very first au ever so i'm a little scared and excited about it (◜◡◝)
> 
> i wrote it because it was something i needed to read and i didn't find it so... here it is :)
> 
> (i hope it doesn't hurt so bad)

You know what they say about how you only realize how much you love someone when you lose them? Yeah. That’s how Mark was feeling right now while looking at the wide and beautiful smile Donghyuck had on his face. 

He hated it.

Don’t get him wrong. He loves Hyuck’s smile. If you ask him, is one of the most wonderful things you can see as a human being. Sure as hell it is. But right now things were just… different.

Seeing _his sun_ this happy and him doesn’t being the reason for it felt like a truck passing over him. But in the end, Donghyuck was never his, right?

Or maybe he was, at some point, at a time where Mark was dumb enough to think the other would always be there, with him, _loving_ him.

He sighed and proceeded to repeat the same moves their choreographer had taught them minutes ago, trying hard to not peak over his shoulder, knowing in the deepest part of his mind, he would never catch _his_ eyes on him again. 

At least not as he used to.

Has been like this for almost three months but that was the first time Mark Lee was hurt by Lee Donghyuck.

‘He’s happy. He deserves to be happy, don’t be selfish’.

Everyone was having dinner at the kitchen like they always did and for a moment, everything felt right. Felt normal.

Until Mark looked at the boy in front of him, wearing sweatpants and a hoodie. Nothing special at a first sight, but for Mark it was. Donghyuck wasn’t wearing his own hoodie or Johnny’s, or even Chenle’s… No. He was sure it was from Sungchan and that, well fuck, that hurt him, for the second time, because not long ago, the only hoodie he would wear was his. 

Everyone knew it.

_‘Hyung, can I have your hoodie?’ he pouted._

_‘You have a lot of hoodies, Hyuck. Just ask Johnny or Jaemin. I’ll have to shop more if you continue taking mine and not returning them’ he sighed, trying to continue reading his book._

_‘But I don’t want theirs, I just want yours’ he whispered softly, kneeling on Mark’s bed._

_‘Whatever, you will take it anyways’ the other said, ignoring the warm sensation in his belly caused by Donghyuck’s words._

It just... hurt. 

That was the last time Hyuck asked him to grab one of his hoodies.

The third time he was hurt was the day they received their first win for 90's love song.

All the members were heading off the stage, reaching the dressing room to go grab some food to celebrate. Not just their first win, but also Sungchan first stage and his first win ever.

You could see how excited everyone was to have the night off, especially Mark, even if he couldn’t go with them due to another project he was doing with other NCT members. It sucked.

But the worst was when he finally arrived at their apartment floor, sweating and with two big dark eye bags and saw two figures standing in front of their dorm.

At first, he thought they could be seasengs, scaring him and not having any willpower to deal with a situation like that right now, but he quickly erased that thought when he heard Donghyuck’s laugh.

He sighed with relief. He had missed hearing that goofy laugh.

So, with the hall empty of the supposed saesangs, he began to walk towards Hyuck, like an imam, stopping his feet right when he saw who he was with.

Sungchan.

Mark was just five feet behind them when he saw how Sungchan's face approached Hyuck’s and just like that, he was kissing his cheek and the other wasn’t moving away. Instead, he blushed. He blushed like a damn fourteen teenager would. 

After that, both of them giggled like they had just done something bad. And maybe they did.

They hurt him.

Again.

Mark didn’t return back to the dorm until the next week, ignoring Donghyuck's worried face as he saw him.

If Donghyuck could ignore his presence for almost three months, Mark could do it too, right? Because he wasn’t that dumb. He knew the younger fell apart from him a long time ago, without saying anything.

He just left his side, like nothing.

"I hate you Lee Donghyuck. I hate you so much you have no idea” he mumbled as tears began to fall, disappearing between the water drops from the shower.

“Guys, I think you two need to calm down, you-”

“Leave us alone Doyoung! This has nothing to do with you in the first place” the younger snapped, surprising everyone in the room. “Can you all just leave us alone for a damn minute?”

Mark looked at Taeyong, nodding to him to leave with the others. What was coming was a storm and he didn’t want more people injured because of him.

He didn’t know when they began to argue and he surely didn’t know that confessing his feelings to Donghyuck would cause this situation. He thought that maybe he would just nod and continue with his things or maybe be mad and ignore him for the rest of his life (or maybe accept his feelings and get together) but there they were. In Hyuck’s room, waiting for all the members to leave the apartment. 

Maybe he shouldn’t have told him. Should just forget about it and make everyone continue with his life. But he was so hurt he could barely go on and make it seem like he didn’t give a fuck about it, cause he indeed gave a fuck about it.

He heard by accident how Donghyuck was telling Jaemin that Sungchan finally asked him to be his boyfriend and he sounded so happy that it broke Mark’s heart. Again.

And as people say, when we are heartbroken we make stupid decisions, or maybe he was just stupid enough that he decided that the best thing to do was to enter in Hyuck’s room and tell him ‘I love you’ just as someone could say ‘Hello’.

So yeah. That was the start of the chaos.

_‘Fucking dumb. That’s what you are’._

As soon as they heard the front door close the air became suffocating, almost asphyxiating.

“Hyuck-”

“No. Now you listen to me Lee Minhyung!” Hyuck interrupted him instantly, taking him by surprise with his scream. Donghyuck’s breath began to be heavy and his words full of hurt and hate. “You have no right to tell me all of this now. You don’t get the right to throw away all my efforts to forget about you, to avoid you, to stop thinking about how stunning you are today or how damn well your hair smells when you get out of the shower. You have absolutely no fucking rights to tell me you love me when I am finally starting to be happy and you’re not the reason of it!”. Anger running through his body, trying hard to not let his tears fall down. He hated arguing.

“I spent almost a quarter part of my life loving you. Taking care of you since day one. Trying so fucking hard to make you fall for me, to let that stupid brain of yours know that I would take a damn bullet for you if I had to! The only thing you had to do was noticing me!”. Hyuck yelled with his body trembling. 

God, Mark wanted to hold him tight and never let him go, but instead, he stood there, nodding because he knew Hyuck was right. Mark had no right to do this to him, to make him unhappy, to hurt him. 

“I’m sorry Hyuck-”

“Shut the fuck up, will you?” responded the other, not even looking at him anymore, trying to calm his thoughts. “What’s the point of saying you are sorry when you knew that you would hurt me anyways, huh?” he turned his head to look at him frowning, his eyes widening like he had discovered something. “It’s that what you want? Prove to yourself that, no matter what, in the end, I will go to you again and again like an idiot even when you have caused me so much pain? Is that?”

As Hyuck said those words, tearing up, Mark started to shake his head quickly, trying to deny it. He would never do that to him. Of course, he was selfish, the most selfish human in that moment, but none of his actions had the finality Hyuck was thinking.

Silence settled into the room. A room filled with tension, anger and sadness, making breathing the most difficult task for both of them. And none of them facing each other.

He was afraid to speak. Scared Hyuck would shut him down again. But he needed to explain to him his reasons. He owned it to him after all.

“C-Could you listen to what I have to say? Then I promise I will let you go and never bother you again if that’s what you want”. He felt the other’s gaze on him and finally decided to look at him, which made his heart ache. Donghyuck’s face was a mess, a sobbing mess. Tears still falling down and his nose red from crying.

He breathed in, trying to slow his beat heart and then, he started talking, letting all out.

“I love you, Hyuckie. I, I really do” Donghyuck chuckled. “I know you don’t believe me and, don’t get me wrong, I understand, but it still hurts. Not just this but the fact I hurt you even more and I ignored it because I was blind with sorrow as I saw you slowly fading away of my life-”

“I had to! It was killing me, Mark. Loving you was hurting me so much I couldn’t eat or sleep! If I hadn’t I don’t know what would’ve happened to me” he explained, distressed.

Mark gulped hard, trying to continue speaking, assimilating what Hyuck had said. “I understand Hyuckie and it hurts me that I broke you like this. That all this is my fault, every part of it is my fault. As you said, the only thing you did was loving me”. 

He frowned and played with his fingertips nervously, an old habit he had gained again because of the absence of Hyuck’s hand on his to stop him. “And as much as I love you, I am sorry, for letting you know now my feelings, even if you don’t want to, cause you already have someone who is willing to do the things I didn’t do because I _was_ and still _am_ a coward. That is what I’m most sorry for, being a coward”.

At his point the only thing it could be hard was the beat of Mark’s heart and Hyuck’s sobs. 

“I want to apologize for not being brave enough to clear my thoughts and go after you. For not letting you know, not even- not even once, how important you are for me and how it killed me the thought of you not being in my life at any moment, like right now. Because listen up, Lee Donghyuck…” He focused on Hyuck’s eyes while he took a step forward and with fear, brought his right hand to that golden skin, scared he would refuse his touch. Which he didn’t. Now both of them looking at each other with eyes filled with an amount of unspoken feelings. 

“You _were_ , _are_ , and _always_ will be _my sunshine_. My peace, my muse, my light at dark times”. Mark stroked his cheek softly, making Hyuck close his eyes with guilty pleasure, because he knew he shouldn’t be enjoying Mark’s warm touch on his skin, but fuck it, he was so gone for him and he hated himself for it.

“Look at me, Hyuckie” he whispered, waiting for it and smiling a little bit when he did. 

“Lee Donghyuck, you are my _home_ , my _save boat_ , my _soulmate_ and I’m one hundred per cent convinced that you are also _the love of my messy life_ , no matter what”. He said, tearing up as Hyuck gasped, taken aback, too overwhelmed to even think, grabbing hard Mark’s shirt. “And I don’t care if you don’t believe me”. He moved one step closer, their feets touching.

“I also know that I don’t have the right to tell you this''. Both of them breathing heavily as the older brought his forehead closer to the other, causing a chill on him. “But you deserve the truth, Hyuckie. No matter how late I am”.

This was too much for Donghyuck. His body was trembling and not because of the cold since he was feeling an overwhelming fire on him. Too dizzy to even maintain his gaze on the boy in front of him. 

Fuck. He was just millimetres away and Donghyuck could smell the fragrance of Mark’s soap. Coco. Hyuck could melt right on his spot. But that wasn’t the worst part. It was the fact that he was sure he just had to tilt his head and bring their faces together to finally kiss him, and for once, Mark would correspond him.

“I can’t let go without letting you know the truth” Mark whispered, grabbing Hyuck’s waist with his arms, feeling so right it burned.

“And what is the truth Mark Lee?” asked him as he placed his own arms around his neck, not letting any air pass between them. Bodies glued to each other. Hearts one in front of the other, making their own heartbeat.

“The truth is, _my little sunshine_ , that I love the hell out of you and, despite your beliefs, I would not hesitate to take millions of bullets for you if that means I can protect you and make you know what you really mean to me”.

Hyuck’s breath stucked in his throat not believing all of this was real. It just can’t be real. “Are you conscious that what you have just said is fucking selfish?” 

“I am, and I’m deeply sorry for it Hyuckie, but as I said, better late than never, don’t you think?” Mark grabbed his waist even harder than before, contemplating the boy’s eyes, shining as the brightest star in the whole galaxy.

“It… It doesn’t always work like this” he sighed, beginning to get lost in those doe eyes, which were looking at him as a treasure. “You can’t appear out of nowhere and pretend everything will be okay just by saying those things. Things I’ve always wanted to hear from you. It’s not fair”.

Hyuck sighed, continuing. “You can’t pretend that what you are doing only affects your life because that’s selfish and immature” Mark swallowed hard. “Not when I finally gained the courage to stop myself from loving you and start something new with an amazing guy who not only treats me well but also makes me feel _loved_ every single day, thing you never did Mark”.

Hearing him saying those words felt like a knife ripping his heart and new tears began to appear, blurring everything. Donghyuck on the other hand felt like his heart was gonna explode. He thought that maybe they would be okay, that Hyuck would leave Sungchan for him (god, how mean is that?). But after hearing him, he knew it would not happen anytime soon.

“I gave you years, Mark. Years, months, days and hours to tell me all of this. I never pressured you and I’m sorry if you’ve ever felt that way, it was never my intention” he said with his voice strangled. “But right now, and I want you to look me right in the eyes because I’m dead serious” He lifted Mark’s chin, their noses still touching. “Right now is my time for being selfish, to finally being happy, loved and _corresponded_. No more _hurt_. I deserve to, hyung”.

Mark sniffed, tear after tear, soaking his shirt and Donghyuck’s as well. Hurt. Hurt so bad it started to being mission impossible to breathe, everything spinning around, losing his thread with reality. His lungs feeling like fire, burning every time more and more and his legs shaking so hard he knew he would fall at any time soon.

Donghyuck closed his eyes and gently, he began to stroke his hair, telling him to breath. ‘Breath Markie, I’m here. It’s okay. You’re gonna be okay’ his words only causing him to sob harder. 

Is this the way he made Donghyuck feel? So miserable and hopeless? A sobbing mess without anyone to hold to?

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. God, Donghyuck I’m so sorry I made you feel like this. Oh my god, Hyuckie, I’m so sorry-” Mark gasped for air, feeling suffocated, meanwhile, Donghyuck started to tear up, understanding him. He had been in his position an amount of times before but he knew he couldn’t tell him that or he would faint right in his arms.

That’s why he decided to just shut him, stroking his hair and whispering that everything would be okay, that he would be okay, and that they would be okay again.

But… was that the truth?

**Author's Note:**

> thank you so much if you have arrived till here and i'm sorry if there are a lot of grammar mistakes, english is not my first language.
> 
> anyway, i hope you liked it! feel free to comment, leave kudos and if you want to find me [tw](https://twitter.com/hyucksoftiee) is your place. you can also ask me if you want! [cc](https://curiouscat.me/hyucksoftiee)
> 
> thank you again, stay safe and drink water <3


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